Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Amuse Bouche

I am forging a new relationship with my brain.

Many cats are assholes.

I am happier when I don't listen to public radio incessantly.

My mother listened to public radio incessantly.

My mother was not very happy.

It's time to take all the Ringo Starr songs off my iPod.

Puking, while excellent for the figure is not a very pleasant reaction to stress.

All men between the ages of 27 and 35 love Batman.

Most of life is covering for other's ineptitudes.

Just this moment I realized that Jim Dine used spray paint to make "Look at".

I sometimes wonder what men with small genitals think about on first dates.

It is extremely freeing when you realize that the people whose opinion you have been relying on are not people whose opinions you value.

My assertion that people should not marry before 30 can be backed up by hard science.

Sometimes family is best 3000 miles away.

When I was young I liked boys who looked like girls. Now I like men who are very masculine. And women who look like boys.

In defense of models everywhere, it's very difficult to learn things on an empty stomach.

People who laugh at the end of every sentence make me nervous.

Looking back, I think getting fired from a "psychic" phone service and a pole dancing studio in the span of one year is actually an accomplishment.

I sincerely hope my fellow Americans will seek to redeem themselves this November.

Why buy a brand new drafting table for hundreds of dollars when you can get one for 35 bucks from a tweaker in Sherman Oaks?

When I think of my womb I imagine the theme from "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly" and tumbleweed blowing by.

Forgiveness does not equal reconciliation.

My apology does not depend on your forgiveness.

I could have done without about 98% of the men I have had sex with in my life.

Do not turn on red when the signs says "Do Not Turn on Red"; There is a cop across the intersection.

If you have a boyfriend who buys you a Carvel cake on an ordinary Tuesday night because you asked him to, hold on to him as tightly as you can.