You asked for it.

In which I continue answering "fan" questions.


Anonymous asks:  What are you passionate about?


I am very passionate about LGBT equality.  People ask me why this is and I always want to answer, "What are you, stupid?"  That's like asking a white person who was passionate about the civil rights movement why they were passionate about racial equality.  But really, I think people who ask me why I'm so passionate about LGBT equality and rights are just trying to find out if I'm gay.


I'm also passionate about food.  And sleeping.


eaganr@earthlink.net asks:  Dear Daisy Eagan I enjoyed your performints in Baa Baa Black Sheeps my question is where did you put the peanut buutter?


Thanks!  I'm glad you liked it!  I put the peanut butter in the cabinet next to the fridge.  No, no, the other one.  No!  The one on the left.  Yes, right there.  Right there!  Right in front of your face!  Well, that's where I put it.  If it's not there, I don't know where it is.  Check the fridge.


lizbeckham@gmail.com asks: In a back alley rumble, clearly you'd be leading your gang to victory. Who would be in your posse and what are each of their signature moves?


My posse would be as follows:  You, for your withering stares.  My dad for his fascinating stories which would distract the other gang.  Chicken for his farts that would clear out the alley right quick.  And that lady I always see on the F train who carries a sock full of locks for protection.  And a llama.


marc.cooper@usc.edu asks: When we gonna see each other?????


In March when I get back to L.A.  I've basically been trying to connect with your for the past 9 years.


Anonymous asks: Where do you keep your Tony Award? Which brand of "Tony Polish" do you recommend to maintain its winning shine? (Congrats -BTW)


Thanks.  I keep it on a shelf thingy in our dining area.  Next to a picture of my mother and my Menorah.  I have never once polished my Tony.  You should ask Audra.  I bet she knows.


gators3836@att.net says:  Hey Daisy, I heard that you are going to be doing a show in 
NYC on New Year's Eve. I would love to be there to see you and watch the big ball drop. But, I just can't make it. Good luck. and I live in Jacksonville, FL. I heard that you might be in Tampa, FL soon for a show. Do you ever go out and have coffee or a beer with your fans? I'm buying :-) and Daisy, have you seen the Broadway play 'Anthing Goes?' What about 'Wicked?' What did you think? Can you dance like the girls do in 'Anything Goes?' Your friend forever - Joe


Thanks, Joe!  I am going to be doing a show on New Year's Eve.  Here's my shameless plug:  Bamboo 52 on New Year's Eve.  Show starts at 9pm.  No cover!  Free Champagne!  Lots of Broadway singers belting out the tunes to ring in the new year!  What a deal!!!!


I will be in Tampa with Love, Loss and What I Wore.  I don't usually socialize with people I haven't met (I barely socialize with my friends).  I just don't want to be one of those people who ends up dead in a back alley.  Not that you would kill me and leave me in a back alley, I'm just saying.  But, by all means, meet me at the stage door after a show!!!  


I have not seen either of those shows.  But I can tell you confidently, I can not dance like the girls in "Anything Goes".  Learning dance combinations for me is like math.  I see it being done by someone else, I know it can happen technically, but it makes no sense to me whatsoever.  I recently played a Follies girl.  That was a riot.




And Hannukah@hannuka.com asks by way of my website:  Happy Hanukkah...why do yo hate Sarah?


For clarification purposes, I retweeted Sarah Palin's post in which she wishes all us Jews a happy Hanukkah and goes on about Israel as if she really cared about us Jews and wasn't just concerned that the Jews need to be back in Israel in order for the rapture to come or whatever it is her people believe.  So, I retweeted it and said, "No thank you.  Just go away."  To which I received the above response/question.  So here is the answer:


What is there to like?  She's a dim-witted, hateful cooze with nothing but a handful of moose turds rolling around in her head.  She knows absolutely nothing about anything, least of all about our country.  She's a useless human being.  She has almost no political experience at all.  She represents a lot of what is wrong with this country.  The only thing I'd vote for her for would be Village Idiot.  Happy Hanukkah to you too!


Thanks for the questions everyone!!


To ask a question or join my mailing list go to www.daisyeagan.fanbridge.com


D

Your questions answered here!!

Some of you have taken the time to ask me questions via my fanbridge site.  Thank you for this and I'm sorry for the delay.  But here it is, 17 answers to 17 questions:

tylerbarton89@gmail.com asks: if you could have an ideal role in a play, musical, film, and you could choose every aspect of the role, what would be your composite of that person?


Good question!  And very hard to answer.  Right now I would really like to do more comedy.  I guess if I could will a script to arrive at my door with an offer attached it would be for a play with music and I would get to play a woman who is strong, smart and funny with a mezzo/belt range.  It would have some social relevance, but not be obnoxious about it.  If there could be a cute person in the show I could make out with every night, that would be a nice bonus.
If it were a TV script, I would basically want it to be Parks and Rec.  Best show on TV.


ozdustelphie@gmail.com asks:  Any word on your car? I hope you get your painting back!!!


So, for those of you who don't know, my car was stolen from directly across the street from my apartment in May.  Since I am a slob and a procrastinator, there were many things of varying value in the car.  There was an X-box that I kept meaning to bring to the Goodwill, my GPS thingy, my tailored three piece suit and a few posters and paintings with broken frames that I kept meaning to bring to the frame shop for re-framing, among which was the original water color painting of my final costume in The Secret Garden, painted and signed my Theoni V. Aldridge.  That was the thing I was most worried about (aside from the actual car, that is).  
I filed a police report, which, of course you have to do in person at the station because, having just lost your mode of transport, you should also have to worry about getting yourself all the way across town to report loss of said mode of transport.  I called the station a few times over the next couple weeks to see if my car had been located.  I did not have high hopes, but I called anyway.  Two weeks later I got a call from a police impound lot.  My car was found, completely intact.  Turns out it was 2 blocks south of my apartment, parked in a red zone.  It was being ticketed at the very moment I was reporting it stolen.  Why it took another 2 weeks to be "found" is beyond me.
The car was fine, except the shitheads who stole it jammed a screw driver into the ignition thingy and busted that, so I had to get that replaced to the tune of about $180 or something.  Between that and having to PAY TO GET MY CAR OUT OF THE IMPOUND LOT, I was out about $400 or so.  The Xbox was still in the back seat right where I left it.  So were the posters and the painting.  If fact, the only things they took were the GPS thingy which was crappy and old anyway and. . . my suit.  My guess is the guy's nephew was about to turn 15 or something and he needed a suit.  After all, I bought the damned thing at Boys Hollywood Suit Outlet.  No joke.
So, I got the car back.  But not after I decided to use the loss of it as an excuse to go to NYC for a month, which I did.  I came back to L.A. in July and promptly quit my job for two consecutive acting gigs, which led to two others.  So, really, at the end of the day, I owe the douche bag who stole my car a debt of gratitude!


gators3836@att.net asks:  Mary Ann or Ginger?  Favorite city you have ever visited?


I had to Google this.  That's how little I know about Gilligan's Island.  But, based on the pictures, I'm going to have to say Mary Ann.


My favorite city is Sienna, Italy.  I would live there in an instant.  Although I also loved the Isle of Skye, Scotland.


kurtbloom@earthlink.net asks:  Where's my toothbrush?


It's in the cup on the shelf above the sink.


steph.hayslip@gmail.com asks:  How do civil engineers deal with the problem of paving roads in freezing conditions?


They wear lots of layers.


Anonymous asks: If you could change only one thing about yourself, what would it be?


How little I have in my bank account.


afreemason@aol.com asks:  Swallow or spit? You promised to answer!


I spit because that's what the directions on the bottle say to do.


Brett@brettchapin.com asks:  What's the worst thing you've ever done?  


Wow.  Okay.  Well, I shoplifted a bunch of times from a store that had previously been very good to me.
Oh, also, I murdered someone once.


Anonymous asks: Favorite lesbian and why?


Right now my friend Jo is my favorite lesbian.  She's nice and fun and I like hanging out with her. Some of my other favorite lesbians include my friends Beth, Melanie, Tara, Heather and Crys.  Also, Lisa Kron and Alison Bechdel.


legallybrunette97@yahoo.com asks: Hey Daisy, I loved "The It Factor." I even taped some of the episodes. How was it for you? Was it a good experience overall? Anything specific about it that was good or bad for you?


Thanks!  Overall it was a good experience.  There were aspects of it that were annoying, but all in all, it was good.  I'm glad it happened when it did because reality TV wasn't really a thing yet, so it didn't have the stigma it has now.  I don't think I'd do a reality show now.  Oddly enough, people in L.A. LOVE that show.  It was always the thing casting directors would bring up from my resume.  But I don't think it did much for me career-wise, one way or the other.  I'm glad you liked it!


afreemason@aol.com asks: Have you ever had black cock? and Bra size? I'm thinking 36B


So, let's first all take this opportunity to thank afreemason@aol.com for his 3 really inspired  questions (although, I suspect he's also the one who asked me the brilliant questions regarding Lindsay Lohan).  Let's all email him about how cool he is, shall we?


So, to your first question: I don't know.  I suppose some of the chicken I have eaten has been of the cock variety, but as to their color, I don't know.  Do you recommend black cock?


And none of your business and you're wrong.






That's all I can do for today.  I have to go to work.  Stay tuned for the next installment of whatever this is!


D

I got NO game!!

Transcript of a g-chat:

cheervanessa1:  hi

 Sent at 2:21 AM on Monday

 me:  who is this?

 cheervanessa1:  Im ashley. Dont you remember?

 me:  don't i remember someone named ashley whose user name is cheervanessa1 and has no picture?

um, can't say that I do

 cheervanessa1:  No sorry not on this computer

 Sent at 2:23 AM on Monday

 me:  Oh... right.

 cheervanessa1:  Hey whatss upp??? 22/F here. u?

 me:  jesus christ

 cheervanessa1:  Hmm. Havee we chatteed b4????

 me:  hmm.  i donteee thinkee soeee

 cheervanessa1:  Oh ok. I wasnnt surre. Anywayss... Whats up?

 me:  gee wiz, nothing!

 cheervanessa1:  Oh Im Iiike so boredd. Theres notthing to do.

Oh wait l gott an idea... haave u ever watcheed a girI sttrip on ccam?

 me:  you're super smooth.

 cheervanessa1:  Well... Do u want 2 watch me stripp on my cam?

 me:  i bet you really are a 22/f

i'm the prince of siam

 cheervanessa1:  Yeah? Ok you have 2 signup on thiss site that my ccam is Ilinked through so l can not bee recorded. k?

It onlyy takes a ssecond and itt is freee. ook?

 me:  and i want to take you away on my magic carpet to a land of lollipops and butterflies

and make you my queen

okaysees?

 cheervanessa1:  http://twurl.nl/k0jygs goo thhere then at thee top cIickk on thee goIden JOIN FREE bbutton ok?

 me:  boy oh boy!  how'd I get so lucky??

 cheervanessa1:  K babee weII hurryy up. When you get Ioggged in then vieww my webcam an we can havve some funn

 me:  Before I join your porn site

i need to know a couple things

okay?

 cheervanessa1:  I aIso havee somme toyz ;-X buttt u have 2 tipp me some gold orr ttake me in priivate to see thoose.

 me:  just a couple

 cheervanessa1:  Hey Iets taIk on their my messenger is meessing up.

 me:  no

it has to be here

tell me your opinion on the russia/georgia conflict

and also, who do you think will make a better president, Cain or Romney?

Personally, I think it would be Cain.  For the comedy of it.  Plus which, I think he would be impeached faster.

baby?

Ashley?

sugar plum?

where'd you go?

What kind of toyz do you havee?

 Sent at 2:30 AM on Monday

 me:  Do you havee a wooden labyrinth?

Do you have a hoop and stick?

Ooooh!  What about one of those things with the metal track and the wheel thingy that travels on it and you have to try to get it to one end and then the other?

Do you havee that one?

Connect Four?

Damn it!  This happens every time!!!

 Sent at 2:33 AM on Monday

 

Difficult Answers to Probing Questions

I use a contact management site to update my subscribers on my goings-on (when I actually take the time to put together a newsletter).  One of the features of this site is the "Ask a question!" feature which affords the subscriber some sense of interaction with the subscribee, which, in this case, of course, is me.  Subscribers are given the option of using a screen name or remaining anonymous when posing said questions.  Thus far all of the questions posed to me via this service have been from subscribers who have chosen to reveal their identities and have all been fairly innocuous.  Until now.

Recently I logged on to find two questions posted back to back from "Anonymous", the substance of which was just too important to confine to this subscriber-only service.  I felt, in order to do these fine questions justice, I should answer them somewhat more publicly.

The questions were, "Who has better tits:  Lidsey Lohan or Daisy Eagan?" and "Playboy magazine recently paid Lindsey Lohan almost one million dollars to appear in their magazine.  How much would Playboy have to pay Daisy Eagan?"

Dear Anonymous,

First of all, I would like to thank you for taking the time to search me out online and subscribe to my newsletter.  To go the extra mile and ask me not one, but two probing questions just shows how committed you are.  And finally, to ask the questions anonymously shows a real lack of ego.  It says, "I don't need credit for asking these thoughtful questions!  I will remove myself from the equation so that the answers alone will be the focus and not the (brilliant) person behind the Terry Gross-esque queries."  So, thank you fine sir, or lady.

As to your first question, "Who has better tits:  Lidsey Lohan or Daisy Eagan", I am afraid to say that I can not answer this question.  For one thing, I have never seen Lidsey Lohan's tits.  Hold on.  Okay.  I just did a Google images search.  It took me a minute because initially I did a search for "Lidsey Lohan naked" and Google asked me if I meant "Lindsay Lohan naked" which caused some confusion as I know you had asked specifically about Lidsey Lohan's tits.  Then I thought maybe you had made a mistake and were asking about Lindsay Lohan and not Lidsey Lohan, and then I realized there are no famous people named Lidsey Lohan, so you most likely meant Lindsay Lohan, unless you were actually referring to a woman named Lidsey Lohan, in which case I would be at a dead end because I can't find any information on a Lidsey Lohan, let alone pictures of her tits.  Also, I would feel mighty sorry for a person name Lidsey, wouldn't you?  If you actually know a Lidsey Lohan, please apologize to her for me and tell her I didn't mean anything by that last comment.  Also, she might want to consider a name change.  It just causes a lot of confusion.

So, I can only answer your question this way, I don't know if Lidsey Lohan's tits are better or worse than mine.  As for Lindsay Lohan's tits, mine are better.

On to question number two in regards to how much money it would take for me to appear in Playboy magazine.  You point out that Lindsey Lohan was given almost a million dollars.  Okay, I see what happened!  You thought her name was spelled Lindsey and you further erred by typing Lidsey, so I was doubly thrown off track.  I'm so glad I've gotten that part cleared up!

Okay, so LINDSAY LOHAN was given nearly one million dollars to appear in Playboy magazine and how much would it take for me to appear in Playboy.  Well, Anonymous, let me answer you this way, I would happily appear in Playboy magazine for free as long as it was for an in-depth interview about my career and my impact on gender equality through popular media accompanied by tasteful photos of me in pants and a turtle neck feeding Hugh Hefner into a meat grinder.  Now, I know that's a reference to Hustler magazine, not Playboy and I'm sure Larry Flynt would be offended by the comparison, but really, what's the difference?  Once you've seen one vagina photoshopped to look like that of a 5-year-old's, you've seen them all, haven't you?

And so, in closing, Anonymous, I hope I have done your questions justice.  They were so thought-provoking and edgy.  Thank you for taking the time to get to know me in such a meaningful way.

Give my love to Lidsey.

Sincerely,
Daisy Eagan

To ask me a question or to sign up for my sporadic newsletter go to www.daisyeagan.fanbridge.com

Fresh Bread, Anyone?

There was a man sweeping the aisles at the Rite Aid tonight.  I saw him enter my aisle, see me and promptly turn around and go on to the next aisle.  I couldn't blame him.

I brought my purchases to the counter and plopped them down.

"How are you this evening," the young, be-acned checkout kid asked me.

"Judge for yourself," I replied, nodding to my products.

He laughed nervously and rung me up.

"You have a good night," I said, as I walked out with my tube of Sensodyne and my box of Monostat 1.

Thank you, Mr. Crackhead!

Wednesday morning, I woke up with a gnarly headache and asked KB to move my car for me so I wouldn’t get towed.  He grabbed my keys and headed out.  He returned a minute later and said, “Um, where did you park?”

“Right across the street,” I said from under the blanket.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. . .”

The next 4 hours were spent locating my VIN and license plate number, finding someone to take me to the police station (because, you know, your car was stolen, so of course, they shouldn’t come to you), uselessly reporting the theft to the police and to my insurance company (with which I only had liability).

As my car was a Honda Civic, I'm fairly confident that my chances of getting her back before she's been stripped of all her parts are pretty low.  As my car was an older model, I had been hoping she would hold on until I was "ready" to go back to New York, at least for a couple months.  So, I thought I had more time.  In retrospect, though, I don't know what "ready" means, exactly. 

The only real tragedy in this is that I had an original painting by Theoni V. Aldredge of one of my costumes from "The Secret Garden" in the trunk.  I was going to take it to a frame shop to have the glass replaced.  It was in my trunk for months and months.  Another lesson in not procrastinating, I suppose.

So, without a car and with enough money saved to either buy another shitty car OR float me for a couple months without a job, I have decided to see this as an opportunity.  I have been in L.A. for over 8 years.  In the words of Randy Newman, I love L.A.  The weather is ideal.  I have a beautiful apartment with a beautiful partner and two amazing little doggies.  I have a respectable job.  I have friends.  In short, I have what might pass as a real life here.  So, why stay?  You know?  Why relax into something comfortable and relatively successful??

So, I am officially announcing the formation of a committee (consisting of myself) to explore the viability of completely uprooting my life and stability by going back to NYC for a bit!  I’d like to get there before things completely die for the summer.  So, this is going to happen, like, soon.

What’s that you say?  “Is there anything I can do to help?”??!!  Why, yes, there is!!!!  I’m hoping my parents will find it in their hearts to let me stay with them, but I sure could use some kind of part time work (that doesn’t involve serving people food or drinks) to keep me in Metro Cards.  I have held a job at a university, keeping a Master’s in Psychology program running smoothly and moving forward for over 3 years now.  I have stellar references and I’m fun to be around!  If you know of anything, please send it my way!  I will be eternally grateful and will give you comps to my next Broadway show (Stay with me here, folks)!!

Yay social networking!

Why You Don't Need to Lose 10 Pounds or Your Agent is a Douche Bag.

Recently I had the great pleasure of meeting a young actress who is relatively new to L.A.  While this kind of meeting is generally not one I would call "pleasurable", this particular young woman was wearing a gold dress and heels and looked like a Greek Goddess and seeing her was an actual pleasure.  I'm not entirely certain, but I think everywhere she goes she is back lit and one can hear a faint choir of angels.  She was a good looking broad, you dig?  I told her as much and she responded thusly, "Oh, thanks.  My agent says I need to lose 10 pounds, though."

Now, I'm no dummy.  I've been around the block a few times and I know the game.  But this woman was 5'6'' and maybe 120 pounds soaking wet.  I barked at her to have a seat and commenced with my diatribe.  How long had she been in L.A.?  "3 months."  Had she booked anything?  "No."  Had she been sent out on anything?  "No."  Had she ever been on TV?  "'E.R.' once."  When?  "2009."  Who was her agent?  "No Name Magee."  Was she aware that her agent was a half-witted asshat?  "Well, I am a little over weight."

Yes, we all know that Hollywood promotes the image of the underfed (to put it politely), vacant-eyed, baby-voiced, big-titted blonde as the ideal woman.  Any woman who has spent more than 2 months in the industry has been told she could stand to lose some poundage.  And that extends to writers, directors, P.A.s and on and on down the line.  Maybe she hasn't been told this explicitly, but it's implicit.  It's everywhere.  Sure, Leah Remini would DEFINITELY fuck a fat, dumpy, ugly sack of turd like Kevin James.

But here's the thing.  If No Name Magee hasn't even been able to get you an audition, it ain't because you need to lose 10 pounds.  If you're going out several times a week and not booking and the feedback is always, "We like her, but she needs to lose 10 pounds," then, yes, lose 10 pounds. 

Let me be clear.  I am not ADVOCATING or helping to promote the unrealistic, unhealthy "ideal" that Hollywood is pushing.  But, if you are trying to book a job in Hollywood and you are a pretty young woman, there are certain things you need to do, for example be really, really skinny.  And yes, I know there are many exceptions, but I'm talking about a type here, folks.  I'm talking about the "pretty young woman" type and she is, with VERY few exceptions, really, really skinny. 

So, by all means, lose 10 pounds.  Have at it.

But, if No Name Magee hasn't even gotten you an appointment, it ain't the size of your ass that's the problem.  It's No Name Magee that's the problem.  Your agent's job is to get you in the room.  Agents who type actors out of roles without submitting them are shitty agents.  You remember Jorge Garcia?  You know, the guy who played Hurley on "Lost".  Jorge was the first person cast on "Lost".  

 

And you know what part he originally auditioned for?  Sawyer. 

No joke.  You know why?  Because his agent was doing his job and sent him out because Jorge is talented and his agent wasn't worrying about the type.  That and most likely his agent had a good relationship with the casting director, something No Name Magee surely does not have.  And you know what happened next?  J.J. Abrams wrote a part for Jorge Garcia.  Now, that's a man who earned his 10%.  You dig?

Here's the other reason you don't need to lose those 10 pounds, you weren't on TV last week.  In case you haven't noticed, scripted shows are an endangered species these days and studio execs are pissing their pants in terror over the future of their jobs.  And they aren't the world's most creative people, just in case the majority of current TV offerings hasn't clued you into that, and they like to be able to point to someone else when they fuck up.  So, unless they saw you on TV last week or your resume shows you've been on every cop/forensic/medical drama in the past month, they don't know if your castable or not.  I mean, yes, they could actually have you audition and see that for themselves but they don't want to be the first ones at the party because, you know, what if it's a shitty party?  But once they've gotten the memo that the party is okay, then it becomes worth it to dust off the old tuxedo and call their driver.  It's stupid, but that's how it is.  And the sooner you come to terms with that, the sooner you can forget about going on the Master Cleanse and the sooner you can stop waiting for No Name Magee to miraculously become good at his job.

Instead of spending the energy on losing weight you don't need to lose, spend it on creating work for yourself.  If you want to work, then work.  Make the work you want to do.  Don't wait around for some shithead agent who would rather see you starve (literally) than hustle for you.

Oh, and that play you're doing in a 50 seat theater in Tajunga?  He's not going to come see you in.  Trust me.  Don't waste the postcard.